It Isn’t Personal

It Isn’t Personal

Posted on January 21, 2016

I love offering metaphysical colonics and lymphatic drainage sessions because it gives clients the opportunity to view their experiences from different perspectives. This can be especially helpful if the perspective they currently view their life from causes them internal (emotional) suffering.

The concept that “It isn’t personal” is not a new concept. It is important, however, and I talk about it in my new book –

Embracing Love by Letting Go: A Metaphysical Cleanse

From my clinical experience with clients and also my own life, I believe that most of the things that we take personally from other people are not personal to us. It might seem personal, especially if someone is directing his/her hurtful behavior at us (anger, resentment, aggressive or passive aggressive behavior, judgments, etc.). The truth is, most people behave the way they behave because of something within themselves. Think about this: have you ever been in a relationship with someone (family, friends or romantic) where you noticed that their behavior was not only something YOU had to deal with but it affected others in the same way? For example, maybe you grew up with someone in your family who was really controlling or angry – were they only controlling or angry with you or with everyone in the family? Chances are, it was with everyone. My point is, this family member had their own issues that they were projecting onto the family and it wasn’t personal to any one person. When we take someone else’s behavior personally, it affects our lives negatively and creates disharmony within our minds and bodies and this can lead to physical dysfunction. We cannot change someone else’s behavior because we cannot control how another person thinks, behaves or feels. All we can do, for our own peace of mind, is accept them for who they are.

Below is an excerpt from my book on this topic:


How exactly do we not take another person’s behavior personally? We must heal within us those feelings that cause us to believe that another person’s behavior has anything to do with us. You might need to see a therapist or healer to help accomplish this. I have noticed that when someone heals the inner child within, they stop personalizing other people’s behavior. (We all had challenging experiences as children, and many of us still have a younger version of ourself that lives inside of us. When this younger version needs emotional healing, it can act out with behavior that makes us question what we are doing or choosing as an adult. I explain this in greater detail in the chapter titled “Healing the Inner Child” on page 40).

If we are in relationship with another, the following can be helpful in detaching from the personality, not the person. Additional couples counseling can be helpful when changing a relationship from one of co-dependence to a healthy relationship.

● If we accept our partner exactly as they are as if they will never change, we can let go of our anger and resentment. We must respect that our partner is a human being and has every right to live their life as they choose.

● We must respect their choices, even if we don’t agree with them.

● If our relationship is a co-dependent one, we need to work toward one that is healthy. This means that we have clearly defined and respected boundaries and how one partner feels or behaves is not dependent on the other. In this way, we can practice letting go of what does not belong to us and encourage our partner to do the same.

● It is possible that a relationship isn’t meant to be. Instead of jumping out of it because we believe the other person is behaving in a way that feels hurtful, take responsibility for what is yours, heal internally, and then decide. Otherwise you will just take any issues you have and bring them into the next relationship.

● Recognize anything we may be projecting onto our partner that has nothing to do with them, even if we believe it does. For example, I knew a woman who did not have a good relationship with her father but really wanted one. Her father and her husband were similar to each other in that they both used limited communication as a way to cope with the fear they felt around this woman. She wanted a close relationship with her father but he was unavailable for one. The frustration and sadness she felt caused her to act out in anger toward her husband when he displayed coping techniques (such as shutting down) similar to her father’s. When she recognized that she was displacing her anger toward her father onto her husband, she was able to grieve and feel the deep sorrow for the loss of the relationship she would never have with her father. As a result, she was able to feel her feelings and not project them unfairly onto her husband.

I hope you enjoyed this excerpt. I invite you to participate in Iyasu’s Metaphysical Cleanse if you feel hurt by another person’s behavior. It is not an easy thing to do – not taking things personally…but who said easier was better? When you can detach from someone else’s behavior you can become free. You can free yourself from worry, insecurity, fear, anger, depression, resentment and more. Over time, these emotions could potentially manifest into physical sickness.

I have worked with clients during their sessions on a metaphysical level and they have been able to transcend dysfunction and disease in their physical bodies; trauma and chaos in their minds; and hurt and sadness in their emotional bodies. The most profound realizations are those we come to ourselves. When we make the connection between our physical illness and what we are holding onto internally, we can surrender into our own truth and live in joy, happiness and freedom.

~ Stephanie

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