Why We Suffer & How We Can Heal

Why We Suffer & How We Can Heal

Posted on May 10, 2018

Everyday I am honored to work with people who are courageous and aspire to live as authentically as possible. Through their trust and sharing, I learn a great deal about our collective human experience. For as much as we fight each other at times, we are so much more alike than we are different. I would not be able to identify the ways we suffer if this were not the case.

Bottom line? We just want to love and be loved. To desire this is honorable and worthwhile. We suffer because we have forgotten the truth of who we are. Each and every one of us is worthy and lovable simply because we exist. Just because someone behaves in a way that others might perceive as unworthy or unlovable doesn’t make this true. It means that some people have been hurt in a way that causes them to perceive themselves negatively and present themselves in a defensive way. What does this look like? Have you ever met someone who is consistently grumpy, standoffish, deceitful, angry, arrogant, aggressive, controlling, tightly wound or just has an energy that is uncomfortable to be around? These types of people have learned to protect themselves emotionally with a persona akin to a porcupine. “Don’t get too close to me or I will hurt you“. Ironically, these types of people desperately wish to be accepted, loved and valued but often lack the self-awareness to see themselves honestly. As they push people away, it ends up validating their (conscious or unconscious) belief systems that they are unworthy or unlovable.

Even if you don’t embody one of the character traits listed above, most people carry within them different levels of fear, anger, sadness and happiness. This is part of the being human. When I work with a client with whom I feel uncomfortable, I bring my awareness back to myself to find empathy and understanding. It is not fair for me to judge anyone (myself included) so I gently look within to target what this person is stirring up in me, where his/her insecurities or feelings of worthlessness hooks into mine. Finding a common denominator between us helps me to address my own truth. As I embrace and make friends with the uncomfortable parts of myself I am able to connect much more honestly, and compassionately, with the person who has come to me to learn self-healing.

We also suffer because we perceive another person’s behavior, beliefs, opinions, judgments and/or actions as personal attacks on us in some way. Basically, we take it personally. The truth? It’s really not personal to us because when someone is behaving in a way that is cruel, out of integrity, judgmental, hurtful or abusive, they are revealing their own feelings of self-loathing, and unworthiness. We can choose to look at people like this from the perspective that “hurt people, hurt people“. We can use what another person mirrors within us to heal our own internal misperceptions and misunderstandings of who we truly are. Once we stop personalizing what someone else says or does, we become free. And from this place of freedom, we can feel and offer compassion. When we do this, we no longer suffer.

I think I can hear you saying, “Well, yeah Stephanie that all sounds great…but how do I go from feeling hurt because of what someone is doing to this freedom you are talking about?” Fair enough.

Did you know there are different aspects of us? Not only are we the adult who goes to work and pays the bills, but we also house the younger parts of us. Those parts are our inner children; the child part of us that grew up with different types of parents and caretakers and different levels of caretaking. Whether you grew up with abuse, neglect, emotional or physical pain or a typical childhood, we all experienced feeling less than at some point and to varying degrees. As children we tended to blame ourselves for what we perceived our parents/caretakers’ behavior were saying about us. As children all we could do was take personally what the adults in our lives said to us in the way they expressed it. It made sense that some of us “heard” that we are bad or would be better if only we were _______ or did ______ (and some actually did hear this). What other conclusion would a child come to, other than they are deficient in some way?

When we move through life unaware that this little part of us still believes they are not enough, we tend to choose our life experiences from these wounded places and end up getting validation from the outside world that these belief systems are accurate. Our bodies, so loving and wise, store these experiences of trauma and emotional pain. Unconsciously we behave as adults in ways that validate our inaccurate self-beliefs, and our bodies can hold onto these experiences and beliefs for only so long. Eventually, there comes a tipping point and dis-ease and illness start to surface. This doesn’t happen as a way to punish us for choosing a lifestyle that might be less than healthy. It happens because our bodies deem it time for us to wake up to our truth. We are being offered an opportunity to heal all parts of us.

Clients who participate in Iyasu’s Metaphysical Colonics with me connect to their inner child and the inner child speaks to us through the body as it releases. It’s actually quite fascinating. A client might not be releasing much until we connect to the emotional part of them through an event or experience. As they talk about it, their body responds with physical releases, thereby helping the client connect their physical and emotional bodies. This is a very deep, profound and sacred experience, and allows their inner child to be acknowledged and validated in a way they never had been.

Please contact me if you would like to experience Iyasu’s Metaphysical Colonics – (310) 207-7772

It is my honor to serve ~ Stephanie